Life Is A Boomerang

When I graduated high school I received the highest recognition at my commencement ceremony. It was the Award of Merit given to a student who went above and beyond, exhibiting exceptional school spirit. To say I was shocked is a total understatement LOL. ‘Me? Why ME?’ I was honoured but lost that spirit because of all the exciting and fun circumstances that sidetrack us in our youth. Fortunately, I found myself once again at age forty. Over the last decade I committed myself to community and being of service to something greater than myself. Why? Simply because of how amazing it made me feel, especially to see how happy people were when they received that special support! Wow…what a high!

Then, a while back, I was hurt by a friend to the point where I wanted to walk away from it all. Why bother when you discover there are those you trust who will resort to anything just to knock you off your high? The pain was great. My depression lasted over a year and had trouble sleeping, writing, attending events and even turned down organizations in need of support. Tony became my strength – ‘Don’t look around you. Put your blinders on. Keep going,’ he’d say. Seeing my state, he kept at it. ‘The work you did with Dr.  Mike helped so many women. Keep doing it. Vaughan Together was vital during Covid 19. It’s not right to stop important work because of ONE incident.’  Tony fueled me and Vaughan Together went on to support the crippling food insecurity crisis…and slowly I began feeling better.

However, what truly healed me were videos sent by a friend who lost his wife to cancer. These were first-hand accounts of NDEs (near death experiences) – a phenomena experienced by close to 20% of Americans in critically-ill situations. After hearing their stories, I knew that the overwhelming evidence and uncanny similarities between cases couldn’t be ignored. Although my family had several inexplicable, unearthly experiences since my mother’s death and I was already a believer, it was these stories that helped me resolve the pain I felt.

NDE messages are ridiculously simple:  Life is a school. We come here to experience resistance, overcome obstacles and grow. Each human is interconnected by energy and when you hurt someone you only damage yourself. Be aware of every action and word you say because IT WILL come back like a boomerang – good and bad. The energy you emit ripples, making endless waves affecting the world around you. There’s no competition and enough for all. Lighten up, laugh often, be brave, create and know that what is not visible to the human eye always has your back. You are always being supported – no matter how tough a situation is. Earth is our stage where we play our various parts to learn (thanks Shakespeare!). And whatever lessons were left unlearned you WILL come back to experience them all over again. And the big one (quoting The Beatles), ‘all you need is love’.  If you don’t know how to resolve something just surrender. The answer will come. So, here I am finding my footing again and doing what we’re all destined to do – live the best and most positive version of ourselves. What you give, you get.

JEALOUSY: A Lesson Learned

Pain is My Muse

Looking at myself with brutal honesty and objectivity was the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to do. Even harder, was removing my rose-coloured glasses to look in the mirror and admit the truth behind all my intentions. The more aware and spiritually-aligned I became, the more pain I felt!  It’s no wonder we use vices to mask pain.

Little miracles began to happen a few years back when I started writing Instagram posts about painful things that had happened to me in the past.  I noticed that once I wrote the story and found the courage to click ‘post’, the experience lost power and the festering grip it had over me.

A sense of freedom filled me once I became the storyteller. Detached, I was no longer a ‘victim’ but instead the orator of an inspiring tale that healed me.

Your story is just that…A STORY.  It’s an experience in a day, month or year of your life that God strategically placed on your path.  That nasty pothole on the road makes you stumble and fall but the adversity you face in order to stay ON COURSE builds strength of character..giving you courage to continue.

In time I learned that each painful fall was a gateway to self-discovery, helping me to grow and expand so I’m able to fulfil my purpose on this fascinating journey we call, ‘Life’! Where there is pain there is opportunity. Instead of building walls to protect myself every time I’m hurt, I keep putting myself out there.. no matter what!! And yes, I still get hurt. I know that overcoming painful situations allows us to soar in limitless possibilities.

No pain-no gain.

Sharing our stories, whether to one person or the masses, can be a life changer for you… and someone else. This month I’m featuring My Painful Truths – a new blog series where I tell stories and my ‘aha moments” that changed me. I hope you too share your stories! I know without a shadow of a doubt that your experience will help someone.

 

Beauty Is A Myth

I rode a school bus from age 9 to 17 and thanks to my relentless schoolmate, John the last 4 years were absolute agony for me. His torment began when my older brother graduated and was no longer around to protect me. John was ruthless, shouting loudly, “Hey! Anchor nose!” every time I boarded the bus in the morning. By afternoon it was just, ‘Hey, anchor’ – like a dying battery losing it power, he lost his zest for torture as the day progressed.  Walking everywhere with my head held low, I cried a lot during my teenage years and told my mom, ‘When I’m 28 I’m going to get a nose job!’ I don’t know why I picked that age but felt I’d be pretty mature to handle it by then.

So, at age 29 I went under the knife, experiencing painful Rhinoplasty surgery in addition to having my lower orbital bones broken and reset because my plastic surgeon said it would rid me of dark shadows under my eyes (I opted out of a nose job at age 28 because that was the year Tony and I got married and knew he’d be mortified if I looked like Rocky on our wedding day).

I went to my parents’ house the day my bandages were removed and while studying my side view in the upstairs bathroom mirror, I broke. Muffling my gasp and sheer shock by putting my hands over my mouth, I bawled my eyes out. I felt as though my best friend had died. I was no longer myself and my identity permanently blown to smithereens.  I was angry that society would not accept me as I was – a girl with an ethnic appearance. I felt ashamed that I had caved and given John my power. He won…and I had lost.  It took several weeks to emotionally adjust and although I’ve come to accept and like my nose, any bodily changes I make today come from a place of self-esteem and usually to improve my health.

I learned that beauty is a myth and like the old clichė, it is in the eye of the beholder.  We should never allow external factors to dictate our self-worth. Find love within. Lastly, forgiveness and understanding will free and transform your pain. I know now that John’s bullying tactics were just a way to deflect his own pain….and I forgive him.

 

There’s NO SHAME in Losing Weight

A while back a friend of mine told me she removed me from social media because she found my posts on my weight loss and menopause offensive. Startled, I began to second guess my intentions. Was I right showing women that they could go through ‘the change of life’ and still manage their weight successfully? I began to doubt myself…and this was a horrible feeling.

I was also told that since I’m not a mom I couldn’t possibly understand how hard it is to eat right and exercise when kids demand all your time.  No, I’m not a mom but still do have a family with aging parents who have doctor appointments and many other needs including a husband whose career and unique lifestyle requires my attention 24/7.  I also have my own work/responsibilities including a wide network and a community who reach out to Tony and I for support on their various causes and initiatives.

My friend’s opinion made me STOP, sit and reflect on my reasons for this journey.  Was it unrealistic and wrong of me to show women that it is indeed possible to manage weight during menopause?

And Dr. Michael Carozza has shown me that although it requires a mind shift, it can be achieved.I feel it’s right to help other women who feel as I do.  Weight gain is just one of the many symptoms we perimenopausal girls deal with and all I’ve done is gone back to my original weight.  By changing my eating habits and dropping the extra pounds I’ve put on over the last two years I’m now able to control hot flashes, brain fog and finally have the sleep and energy I need to tackle my daily tasks and live a better quality of life.

I follow many inspirational women of all shapes and sizes and admire them for their courage in speaking their truth. They are my heroes and mentors.  MY truth was that I didn’t want to feel crappy anymore. I didn’t want to take synthetic hormones only to then get cancer as my mother did.  It wasn’t to satisfy any vanity by trying to be ‘skinny’ but instead to not lose myself in menopause’s vicious cycle.

This is what has worked for ME.  I don’t preach but guide women who are on a similar journey and want the same things as myself.  Not a day goes by where someone doesn’t reach out to me to ask about food choices, bloating, weight gain, hormones etc… And many have blown my mind because they are so supportive, loving and give me strength!! Therefore, I know now in my heart that I’m doing must be right.

By sharing what I learn and providing resources, support and advice to anyone who asks I’ve come to understand that I’m an instrument helping to raise awareness to ageism and the stigma associated with menopause.  I hope my friend and anyone who feels as she does will come to realize my intention.

 

Swap Your Food With These Healthier Options!

One of the best tips I can give you when it comes to managing perimenopause weight and its symptoms is to swap your food for healthy options that are equally as tasty. This was a challenge at first because I was constantly craving plates of whole wheat pasta and sweets! So, how could I change my eating habits and still feel satisfied and happy with the food I was eating?

It’s important to know that cravings are both psychological and biochemical and usually the foods we crave most contain refined sugar and gluten including trans-fats and artificial additives.  Eating things like cookies, chips, pasta and pizza on a regular basis is similar to drug addiction since both trigger euphoric feel-good hormones such as dopamine and serotonin.  Even worse is that you’ll still want more long after you are full!

However, you could also have a nutrient deficiency such as low protein levels which can result in a blood sugar imbalance and serious sugar cravings!  And don’t go for the artificial sweeteners – they won’t change your biochemistry and your longing for sweets.  Cortisol, your stress hormone, is another big factor in perimenopause weight gain. High cortisol levels from lack of sleep (night sweats!) and hormone imbalance can also trigger food cravings.  Generally, a high carb diet also creates high blood sugar levels and leaves you craving more.  It all sounds complicated but with 30 plus pounds to lose and education as my greatest weapon, I did learn how to substitute my food to lose the weight and control nasty symptoms. This is what worked for me!

Quinoa (Instead of pasta) – Quinoa is a gluten-free grain crop which is very high in protein and minerals.  Low in calories and will help you feel full.  If you’re making a salad just make sure your other ingredients are low in calories as well.

Almond Milk (instead of skim milk) – Almond milk has less calories and has sufficient calcium. Unlike skim it isn’t an animal product and doesn’t contain lactose, sodium, cholesterol and saturated fat.

Kale Chips (instead of potato chips) – Kale chips have less calories and are packed with antioxidants, vitamins. I add a little olive oil and Pink Himalayan salt for flavour.

Boiled Omega 3 Eggs (instead of regular scrambled eggs) – Omega eggs are higher in vitamins and ‘good fats’ because the hens are fed a diet high in flaxseed. Boiled eggs contain less calories than scrambled eggs.

Almonds & Walnuts (instead of dark chocolate) – Although dark chocolate is full of antioxidants, I just wouldn’t know when to stop! So I chose these nuts instead which, like chocolate, also release the ‘feel good’ hormone, serotonin and is nutrient-dense with antioxidants. This is a great afternoon snack and usually eat one handful.

Regular Tomatoes (instead of cherry tomatoes) – I added cherry tomatoes to all my salads until Dr. Mike told me they are higher in sugar and that I should cut them out. So I did.

Berries (instead of other fruits) – this was another great suggestion by Dr. Mike and again, based on calories.  Berries (and lemons) contain the least calories of all the fruits while still being nutrient-dense.  Avocados are my only exception and eat them a couple of times a week.

Apple Cider Vinegar (instead of balsamic) – While balsamic is very high in sugar, apple cider vinegar is low in calories, reduces blood sugar and cholesterol levels while aiding in weight loss.  Dr. Mike calls it a ‘fat buster’!

Gluten-Free Pizza Crust (instead of regular pizza) – This was one of my most challenging substitutes.  I get my ready-made flatbreads from Mimi Foods in Vaughan, Ontario as they are by far the best I’ve ever tasted.  I added shaved parmesan cheese (the only cheese I eat as it is the lowest in calories) with some tomato sauce, peppers and olives.

These healthy changes in your diet make a huge impact and what’s interesting is that since modifying my meals I have begun to crave these super, nutrient-dense foods! Who would have thought I would look forward tp a side portion of quinoa over an entire bowl of pasta?  My general rule of thumb when it comes to meal time is portion control and sticking to a basic template; my dinner plate consists of one quarter gluten-free grains, another quarter high protein and half the dish, a leafy green and/or cooked vegetables. My breakfast consists of two boiled eggs and for lunch my homemade shake (dated January 17 on my Instagram account for those interested in the recipe) with nuts and berries for snacks.  Bon Appetite!

House of Pain

Just because I smile on social media doesn’t mean I’m happy all the time…but I’ll get to that in a minute.

In the last year staying sane (‘balanced’ would be more appropriate) has been a massive challenge as we walk a fine line trying to find stability through the treacherous climate of this pandemic.  Covid-19 aside, winter is traditionally considered the most depressing time of the year and for decades society has been telling us that if we aren’t happy all the time then there’s something seriously flawed within us.  Just go to Chapters and walk down the self-help section.  ‘Read this book to find the secret to happiness’ or ‘listen to that audio and be happy forever.’ It’s all the same rhetoric and although the bookstore is one of my favourite pass times, seeing rows of books telling you how to be happy ALL THE TIME blows my mind!  I just don’t believe it’s human to be happy all the time and forcing that state of emotion as a constant is UNREALISTIC.

One of most important Buddhist teachings is realizing that unhappiness is equally as important as happiness. One cannot exist without the other – light can only appear amidst a realm of darkness.

Think about it. In order to be in a constant state of happiness you’d have to be doing something that brings you joy CONTINUOUSLY – but then you’d be bored because in time that action will no longer stimulate you.  Or perhaps avoid all human interaction and painful emotions that could come from divorce or death of a loved one, for example – but then you’d live a lonely life.

Happiness and unhappiness will always coexist.

Experiencing emotional pain is part of the human experience and necessary for the evolution of the soul. Our teacher and compass guiding us on our life journey, unhappiness can help us gauge WHAT and HOW much we can tolerate from people or situations within our day-to-day lives.  The key (and greatest challenge) is not to remain in your state of unhappiness.  All roads lead to Rome with unhappiness being the root of anger, loneliness, jealousy, greed, guilt, superiority, inferiority and hatred…just to name a few.

In order to deal with my own unhappiness I analyze my painful situation with brutal honesty. I feel it- that nasty raw emotion-without grabbing for a vice such as food, alcohol etc…(the hardest thing to do!!!). I own it and make a conscious commitment not to dwell in my house of pain too long.

Whichever way your unhappiness manifests let it ebb and flow like an emotional tide coming in and out of your life when necessary… because it’s during these dark moments that we learn how strong we really are. It’s not easy and it’s taken me years to learn how to handle pain. However, if you are committed to facing pain instead of masking it then you can learn how to use it to your advantage.

People have asked me how I’ve been able to sustain my happiness and positivity during this time and are stunned when I tell them I experience pain EVERY SINGLE DAY of my life. “How? You always look like you’re having so much fun (especially on social media lol).”  Yes…and the lesson here is not to take what’s online as someone’s total and complete reality.

Almost every day I cry for my mother.  Although, I know I’ll miss her for the rest of my life, I don’t stay ‘down there’.  My tears for her are the catalyst which makes me pick up the phone and call someone close… because I realize in that moment that anything can happen at any time. How terrible it would be to never have the chance to speak and laugh with that person again! This painful thought process comes from losing so many loved ones over the last few years and yet, it helps create so many new happy moments. I try to make maximum four phone calls a day to family and friends (not work related).  Unfortunately, this doesn’t always happen but none-the-less it’s my daily goal.  It helps maintain my healthy happy/unhappy balance. In my mother’s death, and those of others, there is this silver lining.

Bad moments are normal.  Just don’t give them power over your day.  However, if you dwell too long in your house of pain please seek an unbiased professional who can help you work through your emotions. I’m not saying I have the answers but all this and my faith in God have been my anchor.

I Have Scars

We can all paint a pretty picture – the image we portray to the world and a beautiful portrait depicting laughter and joy which thankfully hide the scars we’ve accumulated over a lifetime. Large and small, they are masses of distorted emotions left behind from wounds afflicted on us so deep that some will never recover.

I think my first scars appeared quite young and was surprised to learn from my cousins that I was excluded from their pass times – the baby and too small to participate in whatever they were doing. “We were really mean to you!” said my cousin, Joanne. I don’t remember this but it may explain a few things such as my desire to create my community support initiative, Ro On The Go.  The title says it all!

I acquired a few more scars later in childhood and in my teens. In grade 7 I was the only person in school not invited to a party because I was Italian – along with another girl who had developmental disabilities.  Fast forward several years where I was constantly referred to as ‘anchor nose’ and ‘wop’ and of course not one boy through high school liked me because of my ethnicity…and the verbal jabs across the lunchroom table didn’t help attract boys either, even if most were in jest.  No, Romina Jelmini was definitely not girlfriend material and you’d better stay away…unless you wanted to be the butt end of the joke yourself.

Yes, I’ve been scared deeply and although a nose job could never remedy the pain, I miraculously survived my teens!  Suddenly in my twenties, with my heritage now somehow irrelevant to the opposite sex, I blossomed and as a result reacted by becoming a not-so-nice girlfriend while leaving a few broken hearts behind me. It was self-preservation until my husband came along and refused to give up.

You can keep the wounds open, feeling a lifetime of pain while taking your anguish out on the world – or you can heal and wear your scars which I have done by working for an Italian Canadian magazine and supporting my community.  Yes, wounds continue to afflict me even today – friends who have hurt or let me down as well as being used to accommodate others’ agendas. These things happen to all of us and are a part of life. So know that when you look in the mirror the scars will never go away but remember that you are ultimately spirit and the love or hate that has fueled it over a lifetime. Choose grace and realize your endurance and strength to continue living with loving intention will be your greatest legacy…YOU ARE A SURVIVOR!

Italian Girl- Inspired By Venice

Shimmering like colourful, moonlit canals that gently interweave the palazzos of Venice, these Swarovski crosses on 18 carat gold-plated brass are some of the most beautiful pieces of jewellery I’ve ever owned. Reminiscent of Venice, Florence and the renaissance, I am grateful to artisan and Monnaluna creator, Giovanna Bruno for this handmade violet cross necklace and my hubby who gave me the gift of the green – such a beautiful birthday surprise!  Imported from Italy exclusively by Italian Girl Bijoux in Toronto, Giovanna’s pieces inspire, spark the imagination and transport me to another time and place.  To see more Monnaluna visit italiangirlbijoux.com.

ALL Monnaluna pieces are hand-crafted and plated in either 18 carat yellow, rose or white gold…whatever you want!! You can also choose your favourite colours and personalize Swarovski/Preciosia crystal cross necklaces, bracelets and rings. Rest assured that no one will be wearing the same jewellery as you.  Each piece is nickel-free, hypoallergenic and will not tarnish. Delivery takes two weeks. .

*Canadian distribution of Monnaluna jewellery is exclusive to Italian Girl Bijoux.